As a card carrying introvert, I do not always navigate social situations with the grace of a gazelle. However, after living vegan for a few years, I have finally crafted my responses to the most common questions posed by omnivores (aka omnis) to vegans. Vegans and omnis can be great friends, just as long as they don’t say these 11 things and rephrase their statements and responses in a positive, respectful way. Whether you’re a vegan or an omni, I hope the following list will be helpful and encouraging!
1. Don’t you miss bacon?
Interpretation (and my usual socially unacceptable response): No. I am not lying around tucked into my bed having dreams of dancing bacon strips above my head.
The Facts: Why do you crave bacon? On an emotional level, there may be some part of me that finds nostalgic comfort in my childhood Saturday mornings when my parents would cook up a big breakfast, and we’d sit around the table playing cards. On a biological level, however, bacon is a fatty, salty meat. Your body may be craving it because humans have an evolutionary biological response to survive and to do so efficiently in order to conserve energy. Salt is essential for bodily function and fat is a dense source of dietary energy and is the quickest and easiest way to ensure energy . The problem comes when it’s consumed in large amounts, aka a large plate of bacon.
Socially Acceptable Vegan Response: I have explored many wonderful bacon alternatives such as smoked tempeh, but I usually opt for satisfying seasoned grilled vegetables with a side of toast and sesame oil.
Omni Rephrase: I would like to understand more about your lifestyle; I am curious if there are any meats that you ever find yourself craving.
2. I could never give up cheese.
Interpretation: Are you commending my will power or admitting you’re addicted to cheese?
The Facts: Cheese does actually contain traces of morphine (hypothesized to soothe a calf). Casomorphins (which have an effect similar to opiates) are produced when the body digests casein, a milk protein. Cheese is higher in casomorphins than milk because cheese is denser and thus more concentrated. There are alternative ways to obtain calcium that are lower in fat and calories than cheese such as spinach, kale, beans, and calcium fortified grains.
Socially Acceptable Vegan Response: I do remember cheese being delicious, but I enjoy many great tasting vegan cheeses. Baked almond feta is one of my favorites actually! I get most of my daily recommended calcium intake (1200mg) from spinach, kale, and beans; one cup of beans has about 150mg of calcium.
Omni Rephrase: I’m thinking about living a vegan lifestyle, but I think cheese would be one of the hardest things for me to give up because I love it and eat it nearly every day. Could you tell me a little more about cheese alternatives?
3. You’re vegan? I thought you’d be skinnier.
Interpretation: Wait, did you just call me fat? Maybe if this restaurant had something vegan on the menu other than fried dill pickles and a side house salad…
The Facts: Many unhealthy foods can still be vegan—tempura (fried vegetables) is high in fat and calories, condiments can be high in calories, vegan baked goods can be high in sugar. As with any person’s diet, it’s all about moderation and good choices.
Socially Acceptable Vegan Response: Like most meals, moderation is key. For example, I have been known to indulge in Friday night French fries (which are vegan), and one of my hobbies is vegan baking so I tend to eat a lot of vegan cupcakes high in sugar. Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t consume my fair share of fruits and vegetables. I eat for health and longevity, rather than a number on a scale.
Omni Rephrase: In the media, vegan lifestyles are commonly associated with health, but like many diets, I assume it is all about moderation. Are there any “unhealthy” vegan foods?
4. Would you be offended if I order the burger?
Interpretation: Yes. Meat is gross and cruel and you are probably going to tell me how delicious it is and how sorry you feel for me.
The Facts: Most of the people around me eat meat on a daily basis; I’m tolerant. In a perfect world, there would be no meat eating, but we can certainly coexist.
Socially Acceptable Vegan Response: It is your choice, I respect your lifestyle as you respect mine.
Omni Rephrase: I am not quite sure how to approach this subject, I want to be supportive of your lifestyle as well as mine, would it bother you if I ordered a non-vegan item off of the menu?
5. Do you eat fish/eggs/gravy?
Interpretation: Is fish meat?
The facts: Fish is meat. Eggs are unfertilized baby chickens. Gravy is meat juice.
Here are the classifications for the most common human diets:
- Carnivore – Eats meat mainly or exclusively.
- Omnivore – A carnivore that also eats fruits, vegetables, legumes, grains, eggs, and dairy.
- Pescetarian – An omnivore that excludes poultry, beef, and pork, but still eats fish.
- Vegetarian – Eats fruits, vegetables, legumes, grains, eggs, and dairy.
- Vegan – Eats fruits, vegetables, legumes, and grains.
Socially Acceptable vegan Response: As a vegan, I do not eat fish/eggs/gravy. Followed by:
- Seaweed provides an accurate and delicious “fishy” flavor when I’m cooking vegan chowder. To boot, seaweed is a superfood full of vitamins, minerals, and amino acids.
- Applesauce or bananas are a fruitful (pun intended) egg substitute in vegan baking.
- I actually have a great recipe for vegan gravy that I can share with you. I use vegetable stock, tapioca starch, and seasoning.
Omni Rephrase: I would like to learn more about your vegan lifestyle; I’m curious if vegans eat fish/eggs/gravy.
6. Do you cheat sometimes?
Interpretation: As in do I commit the offense of adultery on my husband “Veganism”?
The Facts: While there are many reasons to eat a vegan diet, it’s not Weight Watchers or a fad diet. It’s a whole lifestyle change that takes work and determination.
Socially Acceptable Vegan Response: I am committed to a vegan lifestyle.
Omni Rephrase: I have heard about the concept of the vegan-flexigan continuum where people choose vegan meals most of the time, and sometimes eat meat. Do you have any thoughts on this concept?
7. You don’t eat meat? So what do you eat? Are you starving all of the time?
Interpretation: Do I nibble on the grass like the rabbits do?
The Facts: The proof is in the chia seed pudding. With so many vegan cookbooks, food blogs, and restaurants, it’s clear vegan cuisine is a fun and beautiful art yielding many satisfying and healthy dishes.
Socially Acceptable Vegan Response: Though I don’t eat meat, I’m hardly ever hungry. I may not eat certain foods, but veganism has introduced me to a whole plethora of foods and exotic cuisines I never knew existed. Last night, for example, I ate grilled polenta, portabella mushroom ragout sauce, and asparagus, drizzled with garlic sunflower seed pesto.
Omni Rephrase: I would like to understand more about your lifestyle; could you tell me more about a typical vegan meal?
8. Where do you get your protein?
Interpretation: So you think meat is the only earthly thing containing protein? Where do you think animals get their protein?
The Facts: I’ve never met an elephant I didn’t think was big and strong; elephants are vegan. My United States Marine Corps Sergeant husband is vegan. A person’s recommended daily protein intake depends on weight and calorie intake. A rough average for humans is about 45-55 grams per day. Some plant-based sources of protein include: 1 cup of soybeans = 29 grams of protein, 1 cup of lentils = 18 grams of protein, 1 cup of chickpeas=15 grams of protein, 2 tablespoons of peanut butter=8 grams of protein, 1 cup of broccoli= 4 grams of protein.
Socially Acceptable Vegan Response: There are many plant-based sources of protein. I get most of my protein from lentils, beans, quinoa, nuts, seeds, spinach, and broccoli.
Omni Rephrase: I would like to understand more about your lifestyle. Could you tell me about some plant-based sources of protein?
9. Can’t you just peel off the meat?
Interpretation: Are you telling me to stop being fussy?
The facts: This situation most often happens in restaurants when ordering a meal sans meat. It’s important because, chances are, whatever you order — a sandwich, a salad, etc.— will be contaminated with meat juice and flavor. The same goes for cheese, mayo, and other non-vegan ingredients. While a dietary restriction isn’t the same as an allergy, many vegans would like their food to be handled with the same caution of cross-contamination. While being vegan is certainly not about being perfect, these kinds of situations can make a vegan feel vulnerable and, sometimes, defensive.
Socially Acceptable Vegan Response: Pardon me, kind waiter, there was a mix up with my order; would you mind making me a new one? I would really prefer to stay away from meat all together.
Omni Rephrase: I apologize for the oversight. I will make you a new sandwich.
10. Do you want to come over for a barbecue? I’ll make an iceberg lettuce salad for you.
Interpretation: Because nothing is more delicious, nutritious and filling than iceberg lettuce…
The Facts: Vegans can barbecue it up too! Grilled vegetables are a vegan barbecue staple. If you’re looking for even more ideas, check out Grilling Vegan Style.
Socially Acceptable Vegan Response: Thank you! If I brought some chopped potatoes, green peppers, onions, and tin foil, could we throw that on the grill too?
Omni Rephrase: I would like to invite you over for a barbecue, but I’m unfamiliar with vegan cuisine. Can you suggest a few items that I could make, and would you mind bringing a side dish to share?
11. Oh look! The vegetarian options are pasta with Alfredo sauce or a tuna salad sandwich.
Interpretation: Besides the fact that my insides would probably explode as a lactose intolerance sufferer, dairy is not vegan (and neither is fish).
The Facts: Although your friend was trying to be helpful by noticing “vegetarian” options, neither was vegan. Many people don’t understand the difference between vegetarian and vegan diets, so refer back to #5 regarding diet classifications. Alfredo sauce contains butter, cheese, and heavy cream, which vegans do not eat. As previously mentioned in #5, fish is meat and is neither suitable for vegetarians or vegans. There are plentiful alternatives to accommodate for vegan living.
Socially Acceptable Vegan Response: Thank you, but I’ll have the side salad with no dressing (and sneak into the bathroom to gnaw on the emergency granola bar I stashed in my purse).
Omni Rephrase: I am not very familiar with the vegan diet, would you please suggest a restaurant that accommodates both of our diets?
Stay tuned for the second part of this series, where I’ll answer other pressing omni questions such as:
How come you don’t feel bad about killing plants?
It’s not like you’re the one killing the cow.
You’re not going to preach to me, are you?
Oh, so are you one of those tree huggers?
Doesn’t my burger look delicious? C’mon, just take one bite…
Michelle Cyr says
Great Article! I enjoy reading Lorilei Richardson’s articles because they are so easy and interesting to read.
Lorilei Richardson says
Thank you!
shameen slyvester says
No, vegans must be stop. They destroy plant life each and everyday! They are aliens that come to this world to suck up all the tress and make humans die! Join us and we can stop these parasitic vegan aliens from destroying our democracy.
Jason says
Here’s the easiest thing for a vegan receiving comments about their dietary choice. Stop telling people that you are one. And they will leave you alone.
Going to a dinner party? Expect the host to cater to your needs? Doesn’t that already sound extremely egocentric of you?
I have been to a party that was basically vegetarian/vegan. I didn’t go announcing that I was an omnivorian. Which, btw is what humans are. Intellectualize about your beliefs all you want.
Jeni says
Wow that was entirely not like anything literally every vegan antagonist says -_- If you have a problem with veganism then why are you reading this article?
Brian Maida says
It doesn’t sound very egocentric at all. It sounds like you are trying to enjoy your time with people who share a different belief than you, while sticking to your belief system. I personally bring something vegan and most of my family and friends are respectful of my beliefs and thoughtful when it comes to parties.
Your metaphor does not really make sense because an omnivore can eat a vegan diet but a vegan can’t eat an omnivores diet.
As far as you claim of humans being omnivores, well that is a whole other debate.
faith says
I would like to know why vegan think when you slaughter an animal, its the same thing as human rape, abuse etc. and I am aware of what happens. I am OK with veganS, I kave tried the food and all and never really mind when my friend informs me of his lifestyle. I even told him my opinion on the matter how I believe it’s not right to compare those two things and I feel its wrong, but he became rude telling me that I was wrong and didn’t know anything about and it because I wasnt vegan ,I would not understand and my opinion was invalid. Please help me understand I don’t want us to be upset about this. Thanks.
Brian Maida says
Hi Faith,
I can understand your feelings about this. I wasn’t always vegan and didn’t always believe what I believe now. It wasn’t until I fell in love with my rescue dog and saw my dog in farm animals that I made the connection. I then did months of research and my empathy for non-human animals changed completely.
If you research speciesism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speciesism) you can better understand why your friend believes that humans are not superior to other beings. It can be hard to comprehend because humans have a very high regard for their race through our upbringings and teachings in modern society.
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The truth is that if humans were wiped off of the face of the earth, the earth and nearly all inhabitants would be better off. If honey bees disappeared, our ecosystems would be in a lot of trouble. When you value a beings life, there are many ways to value it. Vegans tend to look at that beings effect on the earth and other sentient creatures, while non-vegans tend to look at it from a different perspective, one of human superiority.
Richard Keister says
Is it vegan if I kill the animals I eat myself? Hunting for example?
Brian Maida says
No, it is not. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veganism
Some may argue it is more humane than factory farming, but vegans do not condone the exploitation and/or murder of any animal for any reason.
Holly New says
It doesn’t matter who killed the animal. Vegans choose not to eat them regardless.
Jenna says
Omnivore’s perspective here – some of these questions /are/ outright rude or ignorant. “I thought you’d be skinnier?” If someone says that to you for any reason, you have my permission to slap them. However, I don’t agree with all the suggestion omnivore rephrases here. Especially the “would you be offended if I order the burger” one. If you genuinely respect your friends’ choice as much as you want them to respect yours, you shouldn’t require them to ask for your approval to eat meat in your presence!
JJ says
I’m a vegetarian, and ev-er-y time I go to my best (omni) friend’s house she offers me meat. She also does that lovely thing where she’ll take a bite of her meat & chew it in my face making “mmmmm….” sounds. Then other times she’ll ask me over for dinner and while she’s making it she’ll say something like, “You’ll still eat it if I put some cream of chicken soup in it, right?” I’ve started keeping veg burgers in her freezer so I don’t have to worry about the dinner thing. Have any of you dealt with something similar? How have you handled it? She is truly a WONDERFUL person, but this particular thing is just so difficult. She isn’t trying to be mean or anything, I think she maybe just doesn’t know how to act about it.
JJ says
^^ Sorry, posted this as a reply when I meant it to be a new comment.
Lorilei says
I am sorry to hear you are having difficulties. Smart idea stashing emergency veggie burgers in your friend’s freezer!
It might be as simple as educating your friend about your lifestyle choices–that not just meat (e.g., steak and hot dogs) is meat, and that any animal product is not considered vegan (even honey).
You may also want to be open and share your feelings–lay it out that you just want to clear a few things up.
I tend to take a coexist stance as in my experience, picketing never got me anywhere. My job is to present the facts; the choice is theirs.
I have a family member who is cognizant of the facts and still chooses to eat meat; he also strongly urges me to eat meat. We have playful banter about it. There is give and take and compromise–he dapples in meatless Mondays and is excited to try out vegan restaurants with me. That person happens to be my dad–a wonderful, loving man who I love and respect.
Shir says
I had a “friend” who did this. I just made gagging noises and gestures and ran for the bathroom. Then I came back, “apologized” and said it reminded me of this book I read that made me go vegan
Jen says
I think asking for approval is very thoughtful considering we (vegans) are just going to have to sit there witnessing you eat the flesh of a cruelly murdered being that didn’t deserve to be killed or treated that way just for the sake of taste (because we ALL know beef is not necessary to eat OR good for you – and veganism is literally about necessity and practicability – beef is probably the LEAST necessary of the animals people could eat). I appreciate those people 10x more because they show an understanding or consideration over how we feel about the poor carcass on your plate. They show they care about their FRIEND over their food for the evening/afternoon, it’s just food – at least to you anyway.
Erin says
As a chicken keeper, I have to point out that eggs are not unfertilized baby chickens. A fertilized egg contains a chick embryo, but an unfertilized egg contains nothing but the ovum and white. Without sperm from a rooster (and hens that lay factory-farmed eggs never see a rooster in their lives) the egg isn’t a baby chicken in any way, shape, or form.
Not trying to pressure anyone into eating eggs, by the way. I just find people have a lot of misconceptions about eggs and chickens.
Merp says
I’ve wondered about the egg thing myself. I don’t understand the difference between eating eggs raised with no rooster present and using manure for fertilizer. Once either is out of the animal’s body, what a person does with it has no effect on the animal. Of course, factory farmed eggs come from chickens in terrible conditions, and that not something I support. But collecting eggs from a healthy, happy backyard chicken seems just the same to me as collecting or using manure fertilizer. I have absolutely no qualms with people choosing not to eat them, I’ve just pondered this before and would love to hear from a vegan. ( I’m a vegetarian who avoids eating or purchasing anything that came from an animal’s death or abused life.)
Wendy Jenks says
I know I’m late to the game here, but if anyone’s still listening, I would say that the primary reason vegans don’t eat eggs is not because they believe there’s a baby chicken in there, but because of the way the hens are treated while being forced to lay eggs in cramped cages. Most have their beaks trimmed to avoid hurting the other hens around them (but it’s excruciatingly painful for them), and they are often drugged, pumped full of antibiotics (or not, even though they’re suffering from infection), and discarded like trash once their egg laying days are over.
That being said, I personally know someone who raises a small flock of well-cared for, truly free-range hens for eggs. These birds have names and are treated like family with safe, cozy quarters at night and the best feed money can buy.
I am vegan, but I do eat the occasional egg–but ONLY from her birds because I know they’re not being harmed.
JJ says
That totally makes sense to me. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Fawn Simpson says
My twins 5th grade teacher just announced they are going to Joe’s Crab Shack after a field trip, then told my girls, “I’m sure you can find a salad there”. The only thing at that place sans meat is drinks and dessert, including the salads. I’m so upset that this teacher treated them like that. I’m trying to decide how or if to respond to her. It left my girls feeling very vulnerable and outcast.
Lorilei Richardson says
had the dietary restriction of lactose intolerance; it was good practice for being vegan because they actually navigate similarly (except that some of my older relatives will point out that one is a health reason and the other is a choice). Just yesterday, we had an office birthday party for our small team, a wonderful group of folks I’ve been working with for over three years, and they offered me a piece of ice cream cake which I declined with a smiling “no thank you” in broken record fashion.
I luckily live in an urban area where it is a little easier to operate; the grocery stores have plenty of vegan-friendly selections, almost all restaurants have at least one vegan option (usually more), the schools and childcare centers offer vegan fare, and the vegan community is large.
As for your particular situation: Perhaps gently explaining that although you are not asking the teacher to go out of her way to accommodate, her choice of words ostracizes those with vegan lifestyle choices (and/or dietary restrictions). And if she could have researched beforehand, a restaurant that conveniently offered meals that suited everyone’s needs and preferences. I stress gently because coming in as a ready to attack momma bear (which would certainly be my impulse) might strain your relationship with that teacher, and your children’s relationship with that teacher. Most of the time, it’s about education; this person lives a different lifestyle and may not even realize what transpired and likely was not trying to be malicious at all.
Lorilei Richardson says
I’m not sure why the beginning of my comment was cut off….”Before giving up meat, I had the dietary restriction of lactose intolerance…”
Fawn says
Lorelei,
Thank you so much for your reply. You are right that I was ready to launch. The worst part is I work at the school and must maintain relationships. The last two staff pot lucks we had, the team that put it together made a point to make me something I could eat. I was so touched they remembered, after all these years. When we have school cookouts for the kids, I always provide the veggie dogs or burgers for my girls. We are in such a small, rural district, you’d think they could be more considerate.
Mariposa de Los Angeles says
I love this. A wonderful way to start a discussion for those of us “vegans or vegetarians”. Truly it is a very sensitive subject and by the way the most important issue regarding the health of our planet.. I suggest we educate our selves about the health, spiritual and practical reasons why at this time we need to enter a whole new phase at how we look at our food. Point folks to available information and maybe tell them what got you started and why you do this. I will tell you it has been almost 50 years for me, and it is still really difficult, living among meat eaters, setting the example and being strong with my own convictions. Good Luck my beautiful brothers and sisters for your love for our defenseless animal brothers and sisters and our Earth which needs our voices. We can’t hold back anymore, let’s kick it by joining with each other. Amazingly what is good for the Earth is good for us. check out if you haven’t, pcrm.org (“Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine”, a nonprofit vegan educational group of professional doctors).This is ultimately the healthiest diet (maybe supplement with vegetarian derive B-12). Can we let the light in, the love in so that we can survive with our planet. Changes do happen, human (debris and pollution) and animal (for food) population must begin to get it all under control! marinearthday2017 and maringreenfair.com
Mariposa de Los Angeles says
I mean, let’s begin, if we haven’t already and do what we can to bring it to light and invite involvement and participation from everyone we are in contact with; It is that important. Be graceful, be kind, but it must happen. I have been producing and setting up events in Marin for the last 40 years, all the events that I can and do control the food, it is always meat free!
Karen Call says
Your article suggested Vegans say:
“It is your choice. I respect your lifestyle as you respect mine.”
With all due respect, I can show respect and love to everyone: however, I do not (and neither do other Vegans) respect meat-eaters’ actions of murdering animals and I never will, nor will I tell them that I respect their “lifestyle”.
Telling a rapist (who rapes other humans) that you respect their lifestyle would be outrageous and unethical.
Telling a KKK member (who wants to own human slaves) that you respect their lifestyle ought to keep you from sleeping at night.
Telling a Nazi (who wants the right to murder jews) that you respect their lifestyle of murdering jews would make any sane person around you hearing it wonder what happened to you mentally and see if you actually mean it: if so, they would likely report you to police for hate crimes.
Telling a cannibal (of humans) that you respect their lifestyle would be cause for, any decent person hearing it, to call the police to lock you up for aiding and abetting criminals.
Telling a cannibal (of non-human animals) that you respect their lifestyle ought to be met with the same level of disgust and rightfully so, by all who are unequivocally opposed to slavery, murder, rape, broken family bonds, theft, and unjust confinement.
It’s not the face of the victim that matters, but all the fundamental similarities, and all of the logical fallacies people use to justify exploiting and discriminating against one group over another which makes a difference to us all.
If one considers one’s self ethical/spiritual, then one has no business causing, consuming, or condoning unnecessary violence.
Whether or not it’s “socially acceptable” to say it like this in this day and age, nothing will change so long as we stay silent. It is the absolute Truth and until it is spoken so frankly, people will only continue seeing harming others as a lifestyle choice.
Jen says
Agree 100%
Abbey Cooper says
Thank you so much for this wonderful article Lorilei. I smiled, I chuckled and I groaned in the reciprocate of relatability to many of these comments. You’re doing the community proud with the accessability to useful tools that help bond and educate those whom might find themselves slightly lost or unappreciated in this sometimes rough and dreary world. You have been grandly appreciated by my momentary consumption in your words. Looking very forward to reading much more.
Alex says
Very funny article and true. But vegans will never respect anyone’s choice to needlessly kill other beings. It’s is fundamentally unethical and does not deserve any respect.